Monkeywrench Media

2011-02-25T07:42:00.000-08:00

Reality vs ?

2007-02-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 22nd, 2007

If you left in a rocket from the planet earth and just kept going, where would you end up? The edge of space? The edge of time? What would be beyond that edge?
How could there ever be an end?
But how could it keep going and going and going...
Where the fuck am I?

READ MY LIPS

2007-02-24T20:42:00.000-08:00

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 21st, 2007

Everyday I read my e-mail and the majority of what I get goes to my SPAM folder.

It's just business' trying to sell me stuff. Yap, yap, yap. New job, harder dick, more hair, horny babes, best deal, can't lose, must see, try now, yap, yap, yap.

Then I go to my job and listen to people all day. Gotta have, didn't work, need more, sign here, can't make it, stay longer, yap, yap, yap.

I come home and turn on the TV and all I hear is people bitchin', and wining and moaning, Anna Nicole, Britney Spears, American Idol, E! News, yap, yap, yap.

This is what I say:

AUTOMATIC MACHINE

2007-02-24T20:31:00.000-08:00

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 20th, 2007

I am an automatic machine.
I wake up and go through the motions each day, as if I am motivated to accomplish something. As if I'm striving to achieve some sort of goal (besides the whole 300 days in a row thing).
I do it automatically.
Unwavering through weather, or depression or sickness or whatever, I just instinctively GO and do what I'm programmed each day to do.
Brushing fatigue aside, ignoring hunger, restraining my boredom, strangling my creativity, just GO. Just do what I'm supposed to.
And where is it leading me to?
What am I achieving?
And I simply running as fast as I can just to keep up?
Do I win something in the end?
Can I reprogram myself?

The NUMBER 23

2007-02-24T05:42:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 23rd, 2007

The Number 23 - More free videos are here

Man, did this movie suck.
Typical Hollywood bullshit.

HALO WARS

2007-02-19T03:59:00.000-08:00

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Then of course there's also the RTS game HALO WARS, coming up:

Halo Wars - video powered by Metacafe

This apparently takes place BEFORE Halo 1
Check out more at halowars.com

HALO 3

2007-02-18T14:00:00.000-08:00

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 17th, 2007
Ok, here's the deal.
This Tuesday, XBOX 360's 'Crackdown' comes out. It's a Grand Theft Auto type of game (except your the good guy, and you have super powers!), and it looks VERY cool.
Thing about it is, it's the last chance to get the Multiplayer Beta Pack for Halo 3, which you can play NOW.
That's right, SOME copies of Crackdown include the Multiplayer Beta Pack for Halo 3, some DON'T. So how do you guarantee yourself a copy?
Go to your local game store (like GAME STOP!)and reserve a copy, so you can get it Tuesday before it sells out.
The regular Halo 3 doesn't come out until 11/01/2007. Here's a preview:

Halo 3 - Hi-Def Teaser - video powered by Metacafe

Ok, here's the other thing.
XBOX is getting ready to shut down pre-orders for HALO 3!!!
So if you DON'T have it reserved, you'd better get into your local game store (like GAME STOP!) and reserve it now, because in less than thirty days they are shutting down pre-orders. (Meaning the game is going to instantly sell out on release date, which is MONTHS away. Pre-orders are obviously very good).
Here's a Crackdown preview:

CrackDown - video powered by Metacafe

Dig in, kiddies!

SEVEN DAYS OF SEXY GIRLS - DAY 7

2007-02-16T06:16:00.000-08:00

SEVEN DAYS OF SEXY GIRLS!
DAY 7
To be quite honest, it's probably a tie amongst almost everyone else.
I mean, how do you choose Jessica Biel, but leave out Jessica Alba?
How do you choose Selma Hayak and not Penelope Cruz?
What about the impact of the Olsen twins?
Is one hotter than the other?
Does one vomit their lunch more often than the other?
It's tough, these decisions. And it's Friday, so fuck it.

WAIT A MINUTE!
Don't you realize who I forgot?
Shame on you.
The answer is below:

LINDSAY LOHAN - Again!

2007-02-15T18:18:00.000-08:00

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 14th, 2007
SEVEN DAYS OF SEXY GIRLS
DAY 6
Lindsay Lohan is Day 6, which is Valentine's Day, so that must mean...she's my Valentine! Nope sorry, fire crotch, I got a girl.

STATS

AGE: 20

HGT: 5'6

WGT: 105 and sinking

HAIR: Red

EYES: Blue

KEY STAT: Seems Loose

It's strange how the girls who top the list, work their asses off, and the girls on the bottom of this list, PARTY their asses off.

Lindsay Lohan makes her second appearance on my blog site, and to be quite honest I don't have much to add.

She's at work on her next movie 'I Know Who Killed Me', aka the stripper project, and rehab seems to have gone good...

Ok, I know, not much to say...

But do I have more to show?
Well of course I do...complete with captions...

Chuck, you could've been my Valentine!

HELLO, Mr. NIPPLE!

And in case last time you missed seeing her VAGINA:

And here's the link:

http://perezhilton.com/topics/lindsay_lohan/lindsays_dream_comes_true_20061117.php

Give my valentine some money:

BRITNEY SPEARS

2007-02-15T17:37:00.000-08:00

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 13, 2007
SEVEN DAYS OF SEXY GIRLS!
DAY 5
Why is Britney Hot?
What is it about her, that despite her behavior, her less than important music career, and her white trash persona, that we still love her?
I'm not sure either, but it sure is fun to talk about!

STATS

AGE: 25

HGT: 5'4

WGT: 105

HAIR: Blonde

EYES: Blue

KEY STAT: I Could Get Her

Wait a minute! You didn't just come here because you think I'm going to post those VAGINA pics again did you?

Well, if you did, your just going to have to wait. This blog is a serious discussion of the importance of Britney Spears on society.
What's that you say?

Why all the sexy pictures?

Well how else am I supposed to attract an audience to discuss a topic as ludicrous as this?

Oh well, enjoy the pictures.

Ok, if you REALLY want to see it again, go HERE:
http://img127.imagevenue.com/view.php?image=95453_britneypussy1_123_595lo.JPG

Help support Britney:

PARIS HILTON

2007-02-12T06:37:00.000-08:00

SEVEN DAYS OF SEXY GIRLS
DAY 4
Paris Hilton may just be one of the most famous people on the planet. Love her or hate her, she famous on a level that boggles the mind, and when you think about it, the only thing she's ever really DONE, besides being born into a mega-rich family, is make a homemade porno, with a wonderfully executed blow job, I must say.

STATS

AGE: She'll turn 26 on 2/17

HGT: 5'8

WGT: 105

HAIR: Blonde

EYES: Blue

KEY STAT: Model Skinny

Paris made a CD of music. The critics did not think it was very good. Paris is what's called a socialite. She has been described as a celebutante, a portmanteau of celebrity and debutante. She initially became well known due to her participation in the reality series, 'The Simple Life', as well as the aforementioned HOME MADE SEX TAPE.
Apparently she keeps making them:

Paris Hilton Exposed: Bed Part 1 - video powered by Metacafe

But, Paris DOES have a good sense of humor about it:

Paris Hilton Interview - video powered by Metacafe
Some great Paris STUFF:

ANGELINA JOLIE

2007-02-12T06:12:00.000-08:00

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 11th, 2007
SEVEN DAYS OF SEXY GIRLS
DAY 3
ANGELINA JOLIE is Hollywood Blood, and she has done that blood justice by playing memorable roles, including iconic ones, leading a paparazzi filled life, having multiple marriages, and bringing about loads of controversy.

STATS:

AGE: 31

HGT: 5'7

WGT: 105
HAIR: Dark Brown

EYES: Even Darker Brown

KEY STAT: Lips. Those Lips!

Angelina has been in over 30 movies, but did you know that 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith' is her biggest box office success. Wow.

Currently she is working on 'Atlas Shrugged' (based on the Ayn Rand novel), 'Kung Fu Panda' (she's doing the voice of the Tigress) and doing a characters voice in 'Beowulf'.

Angelina's first husband was Jonny Lee Miller, who went on to play Sick Boy in the movie 'Trainspotting'. Later she married Billie Bob Thornton. Now she's living with Brad Pitt. See a trend here?

Me neither.

But it is a good time to mention that Angelina has done a LESBIAN love scene. Check it out, from 'GIA':

Angelina Jolie and Elizabeth Mitchell - video powered by Metacafe

Yeah, that was pretty hot. Here's some Angelina STUFF:

JENNA JAMESON

2007-02-11T09:56:00.000-08:00

SEVEN DAYS OF SEXY GIRLS
DAY 2
Jenna Jameson isn't doing TOO much these days.

A search for info about her reveals an appearance at a grand opening for a new Arizona restaurant called, no kidding, the PINK TACO back in June of 2006. Where IS Jenna?
STATS

AGE: 32

HGT: 5'7

WGT: 110

HAIR: Blonde

EYES: Blue

REAL NAME: Jenna Marie Massoli

KEY STAT: Big Fake Boobs

Jenna took the porn industry back in the 90's and helped make it mainstream. Through key appearances on Howard Stern (including a fully nude role in his movie 'Private Parts'), a strong marketing campaign and a number one selling book, Jenna has changed the way Americans view porn. She's the porn star that's ok to like.
So where IS Jenna?

Signing exclusive deals with Playboy TV apparently. That's a business woman. Less work, more money. Bringing in the Bling. Here she is yapping about it:

And here's Jenna at the AVN Expo in Las Vegas in January of 2007, showing off her new haircut. She's so acceptable, isn't she?

Yep, she has a new haircut.

Hmm...she looks LESS mainstream and more evil.

What's up with that?

And here's some cool JENNA STUFF:

PAMELA ANDERSON

2007-02-11T08:59:00.000-08:00

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 10th, 2007
SEVEN DAYS OF SEXY GIRLS
DAY 1 - PAMELA ANDERSON

Pam is apparently doing Playboy again.

Is money really that bad? It will be the 13th time Pam has graced the cover of the magazine. In her original Playboy spread (June 1991), one of Pamela's poses was a little more revealing than Playboy normally provides. In subsequent reprintings, as well as in a mass-market poster, that area was airbrushed.

STATS
AGE: 39
HGT: 5'7
WGT: 105?

HAIR: Blonde
EYES: Not really sure.

REAL NAME: Pamela Denise Anderson
KEY STAT: Big Fake Boobs

Oh well, if you want to see a pic from the new issue, instead of actually BUYING the issue, go here:
http://www.celebritycrunch.com/gallery/viewer.php?p=pamela-anderson-playboy&d=Pamela%20Anderson%20Naked%20in%20Playboy

Pamela Anderson gained fame in the 90's as a Playboy model and centerfold, before moving on to TV with Baywatch and VIP (as well as 'Home Improvement' where she was the first Tool Time Girl), before moving on to movies with Barb Wire, Scary Movie 3, Borat, and the infamous 'Pam and Tommy Honeymoon Tape'
She is a probably THE sex symbol of this generation.

It couldn't be said better than this:

Pam's performance in the BORAT movie apparently cause white trash rocker Kid Rock to go berserk and act almost as bad as Pam's former husband, LA trash rocker Tommy Lee. The marriage is over and the two are no longer together.
Hey, I don't remember EITHER of these commercials:

Some cool Pam Stuff:

NEON GENESIS EVANGELION

2007-02-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 9th, 2007

Neon Genesis Evangelion is a 26 episode anime series that aired in Japan back in the mid-90's and then was released in America were it became a cult favorite among many fans. Even I liked it.
The plot sorta revolves around the paramilitary organization NERV, which qwas created to prevent the city of Tokyo-3 from being destroyed by monstrous beings called Angels. NERV enlists three teenagers, the quiet, wimpy Shinji Ikari (the son of NERV's commander), the withdrawn, always willing to scarifice Rei Ayanami and Asuuka Sorylu to pilot enormous and very cool designed mecha called Evangelions into battle against the Angels.
Through the course of the series it's revealed that the true purpose of NERV, the Evas, and the Angels is to bring about a forced evolution of life on earth, but the possible consequences are fatal. The struggles of the central characters to overcome their personal issues and personality conflicts factors heavily into the events of the series, and becomes integral to the conclusion of the series.
It may sound tremendously heavy handed, but in truth the series had a great sense of humor to it, and the Evas, are as cool as any 'mecha' I've ever seen in anime.
Here's a funny summary of the series:

My favorite character in the series was Misato, who I think ended up doing the most heroic thing in the end (let's face it, I kind of expected Rei to do what she did... you can never trust the quiet ones...). Anyway, this is a great series.

If you want it...click on me...

KATAMARI

2007-02-08T07:29:00.000-08:00

Who would've thought?

Back in late 2004, 'Katamari Damacy' was released on PS2, a somewhat unknown game, priced at only $19.99, because it was thought to have very limited appeal. In fact, the Japanese at first were unsure if they'd even release it here in the U.S.

Boy were they wrong.

It went on to sell over 120,000 copies, and has become somewhat of a difficult game to find. Two sequels, 'We ♥ Katamari', and 'Me & My Katamari' have become big sellers.

I think it's popularity is based on a number of things:

1) It's a throw back to early, simple original NES type of game play. It's graphics are NOT reality based, it's storyline, if you can really call it that, is silly, and you basically do the same thing throughout the entire game.

2) ANYONE, could pick up this game and play it. And...

3) I am convinced that this game makes us use a section of our brain that is pleasant to stimulate. Seriously.

Okay, it the story of the King of All Cosmos, who accidentally destroys all the stars in the universe while out drunk (Japanese version) one night. So he leaves it up to his 5 centimeter tall son to fix things, using a Katamari ball.

A Katamari ball is super adhesive and picks up anything it rolls over (as long as it's smaller than the ball). This will help rebuild the star and....

Okay, yeah. It SOUNDS really stupid. But try it for an hour and see if you don't get caught up in it. The game has a lot of quirks and idiosyncrasies that they don't explain to you, and it's sense of humor is just bizarre enough to make it interesting.

Here's a Japanese commercial for the game:

FRANK MILLER's 300

2007-02-08T05:43:00.000-08:00

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 7, 2007
As a boy, Frank Miller saw the movie "The 300 Spartans", became inspired by it, and when he grew up to be a famous comic book writer/artist, he retold the story.
Originally published in 1998, it was collected as a hardcover graphic novel in 1999; and now is being adapted almost page for page, as a movie.
This is a GOOD thing.
Check out this clip:

300 Trailer Video

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The movie is based upon Battle of Thermopylae, where the Persian army outnumbered the Greek army (by some estimates) 100,000 to 300. It was a story of courage and sacrifice that has been used many times over the years to inspire.
It looks like a beautiful movie to me and it comes out March 9, 2007.

Frank Miller has already had one movie based upon a graphic novel series of his, SIN CITY (which I liked), and his 1986 graphic novel 'The Dark Knight Returns' was what brought about a new popularity for Batman, leading to a a bunch of movies.
He was a writer on the Robocop movies (the sequels, not the original), of which he showed a tremendous discomfort in later, at the inability to control the process.
With Sin City he worked with Robert Rodriguez (Desperado, Once Upon a time in Mexico) and they shared a common vision (Frank's). Sin City 2 and 3 is in the works.
He also created the character of Elektra for Marvel, and much of the Daredevil movie was based upon story lines he wrote for the comic back in the mid-eighties.

PRINCE

2007-02-06T07:55:00.000-08:00

Prince's halftime show was pretty good. But, as usual, controversy (get it?) followed. No exposed breasts this time, just a penis shaped guitar. Yawn. I'd SHOW you the footage, but Universal is going way crazy to keep it off the internet. Yawn.
Anyway, the show was pretty good, but as a long time fan, I've seen better:

My Favorite Prince CD's:

TOM CRUISE gets SQUIRTED in the FACE!

2007-02-04T07:38:00.000-08:00

Tom Cruise getting squirted in the face.
Hey, I gave you a hot chick yesterday, I need a break today.

KEYRA AUGUSTINA - HOTTEST ASS EVER?

2007-02-04T06:36:00.000-08:00

I think I know a thing or two about hot ass, and I'd have to say this girl is a prime candidate for #1 hot ass on the planet. HOWEVER...how exactly do you judge such a thing? I mean, it's not like I've seen EVERY ass on the planet, and even if I did, what criteria would I use to judge who's is better?
Maybe if she let me stick my finger in there, or take her temperature..
Ok, ok, anyway, the story of Keyra Augustina is an interesting one, and made up of primarily assumptions and speculation, but here it is.
Keyra Augustina, which probably a culmination of two names she has used, is a girl between 19 and 21 who first appeared on a web site called supertangas.com a couple of years ago.
From what I can tell it's a Central/South American site that features girls with HOT ASSES.
Keyra took all of her pictures and videos in her room, and kept her face covered to keep her parents/friends/boyfriend from knowing she was doing this type of unusual, private, incredibly HOT little behavior.
The picture you see here is one of the rare shots of her face, but let's be honest, she IS cute, but the thing that set her apart from many other gals doing this is her ASS.
Using only a webcam, she focused on this part of her body, posting as 'Keyra' or 'Agus', and now, according to the belief of some, she is on there again under the name, Yemina, but there is no confirmation as to if this is true or not.
How am I aware of this web site? Uh, ya know...through research.
Anyway, Keyra became an 'Internet sensation', meaning a bunch of people who liked to look at hot pictures of girls (i.e. porn and pseudo-porn) on the web began to make mention of her name and slowly but surely they all knew who it was they were talking about.
Her videos began to circulate on to youtube and google video and places like that. Because she was HOT and because she never did actual nudity (or more appropriately: show the naughty bits), it was perfect for the 'just under R rated' sites like YouTube. Below is her first video for your enjoyment. NOTE: It HAS been edited because of youtube.

Somebody at MAXIM Magazine became aware of her and somehow they got in touch with her and did a feature in the Argentina version of the magazine and on their web site. The power of a web cam!
According to MAXIM: "The girl you know as Keyra (she does not use her real name) was a 21-year-old student at the University of Buenos Aires who posted her sexy shots on a dare, then had them stolen and spread across the globe."

Alright, let's clear this up. She posted them on someone else's web site, a FREE PUBLIC FORUM. So of course someone is going to pass them around, that's a given. 'Posted her sexy shots on a dare'? Does someone posting their sexy shots on a dare do over 100 photos of themself and do two 10 minutes videos? Doesn't sound like anyone was twisting her arm to me.

And this, supposedly from Keyra herself: “They offered me photo sessions in important magazines around the entire world and interviews, videos, invitations to video programs outside and in my country…but to all I have said no. I do not deny that I would like to do professional photos, and to be model is something that I love in truth, but I do not choose that as a life. I choose another road currently and am happy with that money and way of life, but such proposals…they tempted me.”
More:
“Perhaps many girls wanted to be in my 'perfect ass' place, but the truth, I did not have plan for all this…many times I feel flattered—if someone likes pretty things why not tell of it?”
Indeed.
Here's her second video.

So what's next for Keyra? Well supposedly there those new pics on supertangas under the name Yemina, but I'm not 100% convinced it's her. Will she ever do a true picture layout?
Meanwhile here's a montage of pictures SHE took (on a dare, HA!):

The complete Keyra picture collection is here: http://www.webgirlsonline.net/search/keyra.html#gals,

SUPERHEROES

2007-02-03T17:52:00.000-08:00

If there's one thing I hate, it's when a villain becomes popular and they turn him into a softer version so that they can milk his popularity for more money. Yes. I am a comic book nerd.
The first time I remember something like this happening was back in the late 80's/early 90's with THE PUNISHER.
The Punisher's first appearance was in Amazing Spider-man #129. The Jackel tricked him into going after Spider-man, and since the Punisher was a self-proclaimed vigilante 'hero', he took the job, only to find out later that Spidey wasn't a criminal.
Obviously influenced by Charles Bronson's 'Death Wish' movies, the Punisher's family had been killed, he was a Vietnam vet, yadda, yadda, yadda, so it was okay for him to take the law into his own hands, since justice is weak on punishment, blah, blah, blah.
So anyway, his popularity was so great they gave him his own monthly comic, and then a second and then a third. They milked it for all it was worth.
This was during the start of the big comics boom, and like most of the other titles during that period (Death of Superman, Anything from Image), when the bottom fell out, so did the value of all of those comics.
And suddenly the Punisher had NO monthly titles.

It was like he had accidentally shot the Hulk's girlfriend (Betty Ross), and the Hulk smashed him into oblivion. That was a statement I wrote just to throw in a picture of the Hulk. I'm not THAT big of a comic book nerd.
Then a couple of years ago, Garth Ennis, who had done an incredible job writing and creating a DC Vertigo series called 'Preacher', decided to step in and revive the fallen vigilante. HIS version of the Punisher was more to my liking; very ultra violent, no punches pulled, millions of bullets and dead bad guys. It was a hit.
And they even made a movie.

But I was okay with THAT version of the Punisher,

because he was true to the essence of the character", I wrote, feeling more and more like a BIG FUCKING NERD. What in the hell am I even going on about?

It's a comic. A story. Who cares? Go and make a sweet and tender version of the Emperor and make him seem like a good guy, Really, I don't care.

Okay, maybe I DO care.
Because now with Spider-man 3 coming out, I face a worse dilemma. VENOM.
Like the Punisher, he started out as a Spider-man bad guy, but even worse, Venom KILLED innocent people. Yet because of his popularity, there he was with his own comic. Now he's even going to be in a movie! I don't know if I can stand to see this. The movies thus far have been 'okay', but Venom? Ugh.

And what if after the movie they turn him...into..a...good guy...

And then...Carnage...

Hollywood'd do that if they could make money off it.

Oh well.

At least the Spawn movies died a quick death.

MY SUPER BOWL XLI PICK

2007-02-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

Here's my views and final pick on Super Bowl XLI:
Peyton Manning/Rex Grossman vs Bears Defense/Colts Defense: This is dead even with Peyton Manning vs the Bears defense, as it could go either way. This is a prime key to the game. But Rex Grossman MUST play not to lose in order to win this game and that makes him a possible factor against the Colts defense. Big plays are difficult to come by against Cover 2 defenses, so the quarterbacks have to be patient. Manning does that so much better than Grossman.
Colts: 0 Bears (-1)
Running Game: Dead even. The Bears have the ability to run the ball, and MUST do so in order to win. The Colts defense has been playing better against the run. The Bears defense has the ability to shut down the Colts running game, but the Indy backs are good enough to make some plays.
Still...Colts: 0 Bears (-1)
Wide Receivers: Harrison and Wayne would seem to have an advantage here, but in a physical game, they aren't as potent as usual, evening it out. I say dead even. Unless they bring in multiple receiver sets and take advantage of Ricky Proehl, playing for his third team in a Super Bowl.
Still...Colts: 0 Bears (-1)
Tight Ends: Indy's Dallas Clark is a huge possible factor in this game.
Colts: 1 Bears (-1)
Colts Offensive Line vs Bears Defensive Line: With the injury on the Bears defensive line to dt Tommie Harris, this is a possible even. And an impact.
Colts: 2 Bears: (-1)
Bears Offensive Line vs Colts Defensive Line: If the Bears run against the Colts little defensive line, it could wear them down and control the ball. The Indy d-line is SMALL.
Colts: 2 Bears: 0
Linebackers: It's a given that Brian Urlacher gives the Bears an edge here, and I think he'll play a solid game, but look out for teammate Lance Briggs as well.
Colts: 2 Bears: 1
Defensive Backs: The Colts have Bob Sanders back at safety, but an injury to starting db Nick Harper, evens that out. Plus, will Rex Grossman be able to capitalize on it? The Bears haven't played as well defensively since S Mike Brown went out with injury. Even.
Colts: 2 Bears: 1
Overall Defense: Bears. In fact, a not so great statistic for the Colts - The last defense to win a Super Bowl, that WAS NOT ranked in the top 10 (Indy's is #22) was the 1983 Raiders (over the Redskins, ha ha, 38-9).
Colts: 2 Bears: 2
Kick Return: Devin Hester is a key to the game against a not so great return defense of the Colts. And in college he played in Miami.
Colts: 2 Bears: 3
Kicking Game: Indy's Adam Vinateri is the clear choice here, his history JUST IN THE SUPER BOWL ITSELF is legendary, but Bears kicker Robbie Gould has been clutch too. Still.
Colts: 3 Bears: 3

Wow. So who do I pick?
Well, I like both teams, but I guess I end up being like everyone else and want to see Peyton Manning win it.
I'll be rooting for the Colts, but I think it's going to be a tough game.
Colts: 33 Bears: 24

MEN and WOMEN

2007-02-01T11:45:00.000-08:00

It starts off so simple. We just innocently notice something unique and special about you. We feel the need to talk to you, but the grunting and howling at the moon has attracted us for so long, that it seems impossible at first. But the seeds have been planted.

We seek out a way.

As men, we are dogs. We like to eat. We like to sleep. We like to play.

We like to poop out in the yard. But we also like to SNIFF WOMEN's BUTTS.

And because of this our goal soon seems to be to communicate with you on a deeper level.

Something real and romantic. Something that transcends time and space, and love and poetry and all of that shit. We begin to change and transform somewhat, into a new being. Not JUST a man, but a higher level of matter.

We begin to think. Ouch. Just saying think, makes my head hurt. But we do it.

If we can just find a way. A way to touch you...I mean of course, on a metaphysical level, not just like, ya know, touch yer boobies or something.

We learn the art of charm. And it is a good art. One that makes us happy. And it makes YOU happy. We both can be happy. And when we're both happy, and beer helps, that can lead to a joining of hearts n minds, and spiritual bliss and humping like rabbits and it is a good thing.
It is a wonderful thing.

It's something we can even use in the real world for getting a job, so that when our friends call us 'pussy-whipped', we can explain it in terms that seem 'acceptable'.

So we pretend to our friends that 'it's no big deal'. Yet everything that YOU do seems to call to us and say, "Come and hang out with me." The way you talk, the way you laugh, the way you eat, the way...you...eat...bananas...

You're so hot.

The only thing that keeps it from being perfect are those small differences...

(sigh)

Let's face it, we're two different kinds of human beings...
And it can all be summed up like this:

How to Shower: Men vs Women

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COMEDY GUYS

2007-01-31T07:27:00.000-08:00

Artie Lange was recently on Jimmy Kimmel. Man, he's getting fat. But he's doing very well.

Some comedian's are falling on hard times.
Pauly Shore recently got punched during his act...

And then there's this.
Oh...my...god...

DUMB CRIMINALS

2007-01-31T07:17:00.000-08:00

TUESDAY JANUARY 30th, 2007

Here's the original footage:

And here's what some creative genius did with it:

Classic!

GUNS n ROSES - Riot in St. Louis

2007-01-29T04:45:00.000-08:00

SUNDAY JANUARY 28, 2007
Axl Rose is a dumbass.
Back in 1991, he stormed off stage during a concert at Riverport, causing fans to riot and damage stuff. Riverport banned GnR from ever playing there again. And why did he storm off stage?
Because some fan had a camera and security didn't react quick enough to get it.
What a big baby.
I hope Napster cost him millions.
Anyway, here's the report:

Anyway, here's a fan in Iowa who was far enough away in 2006, that Axl couldn't see him:

Make Axl rich again:

BRITNEY SPEARS' VAGINA!!!

2007-01-27T22:11:00.000-08:00

BRITNEY SPEARS VAGINA!

Are celebrities just plain stupid or what? Maybe they WANT to show off their vagina's to the paparazzi? At least do an actual photo shoot that's flattering to your vagina. Your vagina has a photogenic side to it, just like your face does.
I think Britney should allow the home made sex video she did with Kevin Federline to be released to the public (so she can at least make money off of it before it gets leaked).
I think it'd be hot to hear Britney moan in that country hick voice twang of hers. And maybe we'd finally get to see her vagina in much more positive way.
Well, anyway, I censored the photo for my actual page, but if you want to see the real thing, just click here:
http://img129.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=95529_britneypussy3_123_510lo.JPG

http://img28.imagevenue.com/view.php?image=95537_britneypussy4_123_365lo.JPG

http://img155.imagevenue.com/view.php?image=95588_britneypussy5_123_494lo.JPG

http://img129.imagevenue.com/view.php?image=95594_britneypussy6_123_469lo.JPG

http://img127.imagevenue.com/view.php?image=95453_britneypussy1_123_595lo.JPG

http://img46.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=95708_britneypussy7_123_408lo.JPG

Yeah...you know....THIS girl Always loved this commercial:

Comments anyone?

I know you want this shit:

COMMERCIALS

2007-01-27T21:57:00.000-08:00

Commercials for AXE shower gell are different in foreign countries:

Commercials for Napster are different in England:

Commercials for Levi's are different in other countries:

Hmmm....

BMW

2007-01-27T05:32:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY JANUARY 26, 2006

I used to have a 1995 BMW 318i convertible. I miss it. But it got old, and the dealer talked me into an Infiniti, which I like, don't get me wrong...but I sure do miss that convertible.
Here it is:

Yep, sure do miss it.

HENRY ROLLINS

2007-01-25T17:49:00.000-08:00

Henry Rollins is a musician, singer, author, poet, actor, activist, etc., a true renaissance man of our generation.
I was aware of Henry Rollins for a long time, as the lead singer of Black Flag, but I distinctly remember when I became of FAN of his work. It was his appearance on the old Dennis Miller network late night show, when his band, the Rollins Band, played 'Tearing'.

I bought the CD the next day (the End of the Silence) and I still believe it to be one of the great hard rock albums of all time.
Here's that performance:

I started reading some of Henry's books, in particular, Black Coffee Blues which contained many of his journal entries while on tour with Black Flag from 1989-91.

Unlike so many celebrities who are afraid to speak their mind about other celebrities or people they know, his comments seemed honest. He wasn't afraid to VENT, and he certainly wasn't afraid to HATE. Yet there was always kind of a lonely sadness to his work, as if he was someone who travelled and saw these things, but kept his distance from the people who he saw as fake and untrustable.

After 'End of the Silence', the Rollins Band put out their biggest hit yet (if you can call it that), which was 'Liar', followed by a heavy rotation video on MTV. Even people who hadn't heard of him previously seemed to really dig it, even though it was never one of my personal favorites. Here's the video:

Henry continue's to tour with his band (I just saw them last fall at POPS, awesome show), tour doing spoken word shows, write, appear in movies, etc. Below is some cool stuff to get, or even more of it is available at Henry's website: www.21361.com

Henry's work:

FILMOGRAPHY/DISCOGRAPHYFILM:Wrong Turn 2 (2007)Feast (2006)Lies & Alibis (2006)Punk's Not Dead (2006)Hubert Selby Jr: It’ll Be Better Tomorrow (2005)First Descent (2005)Punk: Attitude (2005)We Jam Econo: The Story of the Minutemen (2005)Bad Boys II (2003) TNT Leader Dogtown and Z-Boys (2003Jackass: The Movie (2002)New Guy, The (2002) Time Lapse (2001) Scenes of the Crime (2001) Desperate But Not Serious (1999) Morgan's Ferry (1999) Frost (1998) Lost Highway (1997) Heat (1995) Johnny Mnemonic (1995) Chase, The (1994) Mace Griffin Bounty Hunter (2003)(Video Game) A House on a Hill (2001)Time Lapse (2001)Scenes of the Crime (2001)My Generation (2000)Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (2000)Desperate But Not Serious (1999)TV: The Henry Rollins Show (Series 2005/2006/2007)The Tavis Smiley Show (2004) Bad Metal – VH-1 (2004)Awesomely Bad Videos – VH-1 (2004 I Love the '90s - VH-1 2004)50 Sexiest Video Moments - VH-1 (2003)Drew Carey Show (episode # 8.5 2002) I Love the '80s- VH-1(2002) Full Metal Challenge (Series 2002) Making of Jackass:The Movie (2002)Night Visions (2001) Tonight Show with Jay Leno (2001) Batman Beyond (episode #3.12 2001)Batman Beyond (episode #2.14 2000)100 Greatest Artists of Hard Rock- VH-1(2000) Batman Beyond (episode #2.9 1999)Turn Ben Stein On (1999)Welcome to Paradox (episode #1.9 1998)Saturday Night Live (episode #22.18 1997) Behind The Music The Doors – VH-1 (1997) VH1 Legends (1996) Woodstock '94 (1995) Dennis Miller Live (episode #2.7 1994)DVDs (Spoken Word Performances):Live In The Conversation Pit (2006)Shock & Awe (2005)Live @ Luna Park (2003)Up For It (2001) Talking From The Box/Live In London (2001)RADIO:Harmony In My Head (2005/2006) on FM 103.1 Los AngelesBOOKS:Fanatic! (2006)Roomanitarian (2005)Get In The Van, 2nd Ed. (2004) Broken Summers (2003) Unwelcomed Songs (2002) Smile You're Traveling (2000) Portable Henry Rollins (1998)Solipsist (1998) Do I Come Here Often? (1998) The First Five (1997) See A Grown Man Cry/Now Watch Him Die (1997) Black Coffee Blues (1996) Eye Scream (1996) Get In The Van (1995) See A Grown Man Cry Now Watch Him Die One From None Art To Choke Hearts Bang! High Adventures in the Great Outdoors ROLLINS BAND:Get Some Go Again Sessions (2005)Come In & Burn Sessions (2004)Weighting (2003) The Only Way To Know For Sure (2002) The End of Silence Demos (2002) Rise Above (2002) Nice (2001)Yellow Blues (2001) A Nicer Shade of Red (2001) A Clockwork Orange Stage (2001)Live In Australia (2000)Hard Volume (1989)Hot Animal Machine (1999) LifeTime (1988)Get Some Go Again (2000)Come In And Burn (1997) Weight (1994)Electro Convulsive Therapy (1993)The End of Silence (1992)Turned On (1990)BLACK FLAG:In My Head (1986)Who’s Got The 10 1/2? (1986)Family Man (1985)Slip It In (1985)Live ‘84 (1984)My War (1984)Damaged (1981)ROLLINS SPOKEN WORD:Big Ugly Mouth/Short Walk – ReIssue (2005)Sweatbox – ReIssue (2005)Talk Is Cheap Vol. 4 (2004)Talk Is Cheap Vol. 3 (2004) Nights Behind The Tree Line (2003)Talk Is Cheap Vol. 2 (2003) Talk Is Cheap Vol. 1 (2003) Nights Behind The Tree Line (2003) Live @ The Westbeth Theater (2001) A Rollins In The Wry (2001)Eric The Pilot (1999) Think Tank (1998) Black Coffee Blues (1997) Everything (1995) Get in the Van (1994) Live @ McCabe's (1992) Human Butt (1992) Big Ugly Mouth (1992)Sweatbox (1992)The Boxed Life (1992)

CONSOLE WARS - PS3 vs Wii vs Xbox 360

2007-01-25T09:17:00.000-08:00

WEDNESDAY JANUARY, 24, 2007

Which new game system do I buy?

You're probably aware that three new game systems are out on the market, set to replace the Playstation 2, Xbox, and Gamecube, which are all about 6 years old now.

Here's my take on all three of them:

Sony's Playstation 3 came into the battle having pretty much won the last war. The PS2, though having received some great competition from xbox, got out of the gate quicker, loaded the market with more games than anyone else, and pretty much became the standard.

Well PS3 has pretty much screwed that all up. Besides the PR nightmare (shortages of product, huge price tag, additional components needed), the game play was not, as Sony promised "superior to anything you've ever seen before"; they had no huge launch title, they still have less games available than even the Wii, and the PS2 memory card adapter on the 60GB system needs an adapter to work! (Which, when it comes out, will be another $30 to $50)

God of War 2 comes out March 13th for PLAYSTATION 2!!!

What a nightmare. One of the biggest games of the year, and they don't even have a release date for it on their new system. No more shortages for this system as you can find them regularly, as they sit in stores everywhere.

Next up is the Nintendo Wii.
Nintendo started this whole mess off, back in the day with the original Nintendo Entertainment system, and it's been a circus ever since. And despite the fact that the company has some Nintendo only properties like Mario Brothers , the reception for Gamecube wasn't what they hoped for.
Don't get me wrong, the Gamecube was vastly underrated. It had some great games (Zelda, anyone?), just as good graphics (uh, Metroid Prime?), and an affordable price...the problem was it was perceived as a kid's system.
Now comes the Nintendo Wii.
With it's interactive controller, the Wii has burst onto the marketplace and taken everyone by surprise. In fact, if Nintendo had been able to produce enough units, it would've been the number one system in sales over Christmas.
The popularity of it is so great right now, that even a shortage hasn't diminished the demand (like PS3), and by timing it's release of the latest Legend of Zelda release (Twilight Princess - on both Wii AND Gamecube), it's satiated consumer's appetite's just enough to keep them happy.
I'm still not sold on the idea that it'll be #1 in the long run, but right now it's doin' great and making Sony look outright silly.

Next up is the Xbox 360, Microsoft's second foray into the console battlefield, with a one year head start, and a ton of great games.
It's $200 cheaper than a PS3, comes with a wireless controller and head set (no head set in PS3), has just as good of graphics, an established online community, and this November: HALO 3.
What up PS3?
Not only that, but Xbox 360 has built up a very good catalog of games (Lost Planet, Gears of War, Crackdown, etc.) and continue to make the xbox catalog backwards compatible.
There's been some system glitches (it's Microsoft isn't it?), but they just recently went to a one year warranty and have been very pro-active as of life in the customer service department.
This is the system I choose.

YOU can choose for yourself:

JACKASS 2

2007-01-24T17:30:00.000-08:00

TUESDAY JANUARY 23rd, 2006

As much as I try not to want to watch it, I couldn't help but laugh my ass off at Jacksass 2.

And because I'm in a hurry, here's Jackass Episode 1, Season 1, complete!

And here's everything you could ever want to buy:

SUPER BOWL 41: CHICAGO BEARS vs INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

2007-01-22T05:55:00.000-08:00

SUPER BOWL XLI: BEARS VS COLTS

Well, if you got a chance to watch the two championship games yesterday, you experienced quite a treat. Two exciting games that ended up with the teams I was rooting for on the winning side. The Chicago Bears pounded the New Orleans Saints, and that smug coach Sean Payton, to the tune of 39-14, at Soldier Field, in Chicago, about 6 hours from where I'm at. The Indianapolis Colts got the monkey off their back by outlasting the New England Patriots, and their smug coach Bill Belichik, 38-34 at the RCA Dome, in Indianapolis, about 4 hours from where I'm at. So now who do I root for in the Super Bowl? Hmmm...

The Colts are led by All-Universe Quarterback Peyton Manning, who has done everything quarterbackly great in his career, except win the Super Bowl.
Coach Tony Dungy has had a similar problem, coaching great teams in Tampa Bay and now Indy, that have gone all the way to the Championship games, only to be denied a chance to play in the Super Bowl.

The high powered offense of the Colts had been pretty much shut down most of the playoffs, held to mostly field goals and scoring only 1 touchdown against 9 turnovers!
Down 21-3 late in the second quarter (when I turned on the game), they out scored New England 28-10 going into the last few minutes down 34-31. This was Manning's chance to get the monkey off his back against a team that had twice frustrated him in the playoffs.
He led the Colts on an 80 yard march to score the go ahead touchdown with 1 minute left, 38-34.
what a game!

Now it's the Super Bowl. The biggest sporting event in the world. And I think I have to root for the Colts

The Chicago Bears got off to a great start this year, and looked like they'd dominate the league and win it all in a walk. But they hit a snag midway thru, and QB Rex Grossman, had some simply awful performances.
To make matters worse, the defense played rather tepid the last month of the season, giving up over 24 points a game, before redeeming themselves Sunday and dominating the Saints.
Now coach Lovie Smith becomes the first African-American coach to lead his team to the Super Bowl (Tony Dungy became the second about three hours later), with a team built around a traditional old school look. (ya know, good ground game, tenascious defense)
I really like Chicago, but I think the Colts are gonna beat 'em.

Here's some cool items:

LOST PLANET - XBOX 360

2007-01-21T08:52:00.000-08:00

LOST PLANET is one of newest games for XBOX 360 and I think it rocks. This is the type of game that is really helping Microsoft take over the top spot in adult game consoles. Here's a promo clip:

Okay. Got that? Space Mission. 'Lost Planet'. Very cold, lots of snow. Ugly bug creatures. Sort of Aliens/The Thing/Starship Troopers. First person shooter, Cool Stuff.
And because those demos don't really show you enough, here's the real time play demo:

And here's the Regular Edition and the Collector's Edition:

NIRVANA

2007-01-20T17:10:00.000-08:00

Nirvana are one of my favorite bands of all time. Though I can't say I was immediately drawn into their music from the very beginning, as so many people say, once I heard the song below ('Lithium') it drew me in and changed me.
'Teen Spirit' had already become a big hit, and even though I liked the song, it never occured to me at the time, that the band might be anything more than just another cool band out of Seattle like Soundgarden.
But while working at the video store that night, I had the radio up as Lithium came on, and it seemed to clearly speak to me. Yeah, i know, that sounds kinda weird, but that's what happened. Then, a man in a giant bunny rabbit suit, knocked on the window...Nah, I'm just kiddin'.

Here'a a recap of an event that happened in Dallas. For awhile I tried to find this footage, now it seems to be all over the place.

My favorite Nirvana song of all time is 'Drain You'. Kurt really liked this song, and secretly wished it was a single (I think I read that somewhere). I think it perfectly summs up his artistic style and thinking, and is the antithesis of Nirvana's music. Seriously.

Kurt was found dead on April 8, 1994, as a result of a self inflicted(?) gun shot to the head. It still bums me out to think about it. The reaction to it by fans, was second only to maybe John Lennon's death, as far as what it looked like to me.
When I watch footage like this below, I smile when I hear Kurt talk.

Do yourself a favor and rock out to some Nirvana:

I own all of these things myself, YOU should too:

2007-01-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

WARNING: The topics discussed in today's blog, aren't for everyone. If you're under the age of 18, or have an overwhelming fear of the guy down THERE with the pitch fork and horns, then it'd be best if you just skip today's lesson, and run along. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Jenna Haze is one of my top two favorite porn stars of all time. She's 5'2, 92 lbs, 34B-22-32, Brunette, with Brown eyes, but most importantly she's an ANIMAL who loves what she does, and it shows.
Born Jennifer Corrales on February 22, 1982, she tried stripping for one day after turning 18 and hated it, opting instead to try her skills at porn.
So at the age of 19, she got an agent (who she did her first scene with him and his friend in The Oral Adventures of Craven Moorehead), and pretty much exploded onto the scene.
Because of her young age, she helped usher in the 'Barely Legal' trend that was just starting to really take off, and due to her ferocious sexual appetite, she fit in perfectly with the 'gonzo' style of porn that was now becoming more and more popular.
(Gonzo, is a style of porn that leaves out any real storyline and primarily focuses on the sex. All you need is a hand held video camera and a girl.)
Recently, a movie was released of her's called 'Real Life Casting Couch', that is supposed to be her first actual appearance on film, before she even did the Craven Moorehead stuff. I haven't seen it yet, but obviously, I'm going to have to talk my girlfriend into us getting it so that, ya know, we can find out FOR SURE.
I'd hate to be the last to know.

Anyway, two tittles that really made Jenna a name for herself was 'Flesh Hunter #1' and 'Feeding Frenzy #1', two Jules Jordan productions done (at the time) under the always hardcore Evil Angel label. In 'Flesh Hunter #1' (she would appear in #2 and #3 also) she already acts the part of pro at the height of her game, and in 'Feeding Frenzy', she just gets annihilated, and loves every minute of it.
All of her Evil Angel appearance are collected on the 'Jenna Haze vs Krystal Steel', at a value price!
Click on any one of the pics below to get a copy and see for yourself!

She did some great gonzo work for Redlight District, like 'Just Over 18 #2', and 'Straight to the A #1 (Oh yeah, another thing that made her a star is that she was ALL ABOUT doing the anal), and some fun stuff for Kick Ass pictures, like 'Specs Appeal #3', 'Barefoot Confidential #15 and #18', all of which is collected on 'Kick Ass Chicks #22: Jenna Haze', a great compilation.
In 2002, she signed with Jill Kelly Productions, and mainly did girl-girl stuff for the next couple of years, due to a relationship she was in. But that all changed in 2006, as she didn't resign with them and instead came back to what she truly loves! GONZO!
'Jenna Haze's Dark Side' was her first boy-girl film in over three years.
In 'Penetration Nation', she does a girl-girl scene with one of my other favorites, Taylor Rain. Nice.

One of these days I'll scan the Polaroid of when I met Jenna, and put it on here.
Here's an interview with Jenna right after she signed with Jill Kelly, where she admits to being a big pothead:

To view a list of ALL of Jenna Haze's appearance, go here: http://www.iafd.com/person.rme/perfid=JennaHaze/gender=f
Incidentally, the iafd is great source for porn info.

She has a new site coming out soon that you can check out here:
http://www.jennahaze.com/

HOWARD STERN - plus DONALD TRUMP plays HARDBALL!

2007-01-18T17:25:00.000-08:00

Howard Stern is the godfather of what they call 'shock jock radio', the King of All Media, and a genius.
I just like to think of his show as honest. I remember reading in his book 'Miss America' where the Michael Jackson PR people were trying to get him to talk up MJ (after the first wave of child molestation charges), and Howard kept telling them, "If he's innocent, why not just have him come on the show and do an interview?"
Well, they'd have none of that, and Howard smelled something fishy. It would have been a ratings bonanza to have the 'King of (Little Boy) Pop' on his show, but Howard wouldn't give in and do anything that wasn't genuine.
What a guy. Here he is with Pam Anderson:

Howard's ascent to stardom took off even more, after his #1 selling book 'Private Parts', became a #1 movie of the same name. Wait a minute...was it a #1 movie? Well it was for ME! Now with his move to SIRIUS Satellite Radio, he is blazing a new path. And if you haven't had a chance to hear him on SIRIUS yet, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE MISSING. It is even funnier than before!
Here' a trailer from the movie:

Finally, here's Howard on David Letterman right before Christmas giving out free SIRIUS radio's (the new portable STILETO) to the audience:

To tie in my celebrity gossip of the week, here's Donald Trump, a friend and frequent guest on Howard's show, going off on Rosie. It's a riot:

WORLD OF WARCRAFT - The BURNING CRUSADE

2007-01-16T17:46:00.000-08:00

WORLD OF WARCRAFT - The BURNING CRUSADE came out on Tuesday. It's an expansion pack for the WORLD OF WARCRAFT (hereafter referred to as WOW) computer game that is massively popular. It was GAMESTOP's biggest single console reserve ever. Impressive.

Click on the Image to buy

So what is it all about?

Well, it's a computer game, called a MMORPG (Massively Multi-player Online Role Playing Game), played on the internet, against as many other people as they can get to join. Last week, Blizzard Entertainment said that WOW had broken the 8 million subscriber mark worldwide. It is the biggest subscription based game on the planet.

The game itself is like Dungeons and Dragons, in that you create a character, then explore, battle monster's, go on quests, and try to 'level up' the character so that he becomes more powerful, wealthy, has more magic, spells, etc.

Below is a video example of the game, that shows that some of the people that pkay it actually DO have a sense of humor:

LOTS of goodies available:

BILL HICKS - THE LEGEND

2007-01-15T05:32:00.000-08:00

Bill Hicks was a comedian who never did quite make it to super stardom, due to an unrelenting style of comedy that touched upon taboo topics of the mid to late eighties, like politics, religion, abortion, drugs, etc....

He was particularly hard on Republicans, and hot topic issue's, in particular religion and abortion, and it would eventually keep him from ever achieving the success he deserved. From 1990 through 1993, he did an HBO special, had a hit tour in the U.K., released his first three albums, and even opened a few shows for the band TOOL on the Lollapalooza tour.
But despite the rise in popularity, after touring endlessly throughout the 80's, it was his controversial cancellation from the David Letterman show that seemed to, in hindsight, become a door slamming in his face at the hope of any real mainstream commercial success.

Hicks was doing a pro-life routine at the time where he encouraged them to "lock arms and block cemetery's and not clinics", and the week after his cancellation from the Letterman show, CBS ran pro-life commercials during the show. CBS denied the coincidence, but Hicks would never appear on the show again.
He continued to tour, but started to complain of side pains, later being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
Bill Hicks died in 1994 at the age of 32.

Since his death, word of mouth and the efforts of friends who've kept his catalogue of performances in print have helped make Bill Hicks more popular than he ever was. His scathing perspective on things is just as prevalent today as it was then (especially about the war), and he currently has 4 DVD's available of his work.

Worth checking out:

BILL HICKS:
I was in Fyffe, Alabama last year. After the show, I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm eating, I'm alone and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me:

"Hey, what you readin' for?"

Is that like the weirdest fucking question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading … for.

"Well, God damn it, you stumped me. Why do I read? Hmm … I guess I read for a lot of reasons, and the main one is … so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress."

But then, this trucker in the next booth gets up, stands over me and goes:

"Well, looks like we got ourselves a reader."

"What the fuck's going on here? It's not like I walked into a Klan rally in a Boy George outfit, God damn it. It's a book!"

The Japanese can do some creepy stuff....

2007-01-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

Sunday, January 14th, 2007

DEAD OR ALIVE is a video game series, somewhat along the lines of a Mortal Combat, Virtua Fighter, or Tekken, where the characters fight one on one, have special moves, an interesting (!) back story, etc., but most importantly it's about TITS and ASS.
The Japanese seem to have a strange love affair with some of their animated characters, but I'll admit, I only thought it was 'KINDA creepy'. I mean, who am I to talk, I always thought Britney Spears was cute, and she's about as life like as any of these characters (and I have about as likely a chance of having sex with her).

The DEAD OR ALIVE series started out as a fighting game on Sega Saturn and arcades in 1996, with a superior version released on Playstation later that year. It followed up in 2000 with DOA 2, for Dreamcast, as well as Playstation 2, with a number of upgrades culminating in DOA 2 HARDCORE. In 2001, they released DOA 3 for XBOX.

Then it began to change a little with the release of Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball in 2003. With no fighting engine it instead focused on building 'relationships' with the characters as they played little mini games. The skimpy outfits, and revealing camera angles had become a staple of the games, but in this, the t-n-a factor was extreme. That was followed by Dead or Alive 4, another fighting game launched with the XBOX 360, and another cheesecake title 'Dead or Alive Xtreme 2' for XBOX 360.

Dead or Alive: Code Chronos and Dead or Alive 5 are in the works.

Getting ready to be released now is a Dead or Alive LIVE ACTION MOVIE, which normally elicits a resounding 'Oh no" from game geeks, but I thought this trailer looked cool:

Here's some more:

DOA - video powered by Metacafe

So is it all weird? Well, I saw this the other day and I thought: MAN, the Japanese can do some creepy, disturbing stuff...just watch this....
http://sabrina.jp/

THE DUST BROTHERS - THIS IS YOUR LIFE

2007-01-12T06:57:00.000-08:00

Saturday, January 13th, 2007

The Dust Brothers are a Los Angeles based production duo. They produced Tone Loc's 'Loc'ed After Dark', featuring the single's 'Funky Cold Medina' and 'Wild Thang'; as well as Young MC's album featuring 'Bust A Move'.
They've obviously done a lot of other stuff, but in 1998 they did the score for David Fincher's 'Fight Club', most notably 'This is Your Life', featuring lines from the movie, including the 'You are not the contents of your wallet' speech by Tyler Durden. It rocks. So of course, I have to include it here:

If you'd like to see Tyler Durden's myspace page (hee!), it is here:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=4981491

But the greatest musical contribution they made was in producing the Beastie Boys second album 'Paul's Boutique'. A landmark album that was somewhat shunned by many when it first came out (The Beastie's aren't real/the Beastie's aren't black/the Beastie's had a falling out with Def Jam, etc. etc.), it went on to be considered the Sgt. Pepper of rap music. It was so full of sampled music, that it would be the key album leading to the law as it is now written regarding the compensation for the use of samples. Buy this album now:

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN

2007-01-12T06:30:00.000-08:00

I like M. Night Shyamalan's movies, even the stuff that other people hate. He tells a story and does it in a very concise way, that other film makers seem to have gotten away from.
His first movie 'SIXTH SENSE, was a huge box office smash ($600 million worldwide), thanks to a good performance by Bruce Willis, a spooky performance by that kid, and a surprise twist ending. His next movie, UNBREAKABLE, again with with Bruce Willis, and a great performance by Samual L. Jackson; told the story of common man, who may or may not have been blessed with super human powers. Great story.
SIGNS was another huge box office smash ($408 million worldwide)
THE VILLAGE, despite grossing over $200 million worldwide at the box office was seen as a disappointment by many, and even the critics hated it. I liked it though. His previous films had all been about making you believe in the supernatural and this was about the deception of the supernatural.
LADY IN THE WATER was also panned by the critics, but I just watched it last night and I thought it was a great story. You can see in his movies that M. Night Shyamalan was probably a comic book nerd when he was younger, so if you can relate to that, you'll probably like his movies.
Anyway, here's his stuff if you want to pick up something, just click on the picture:

LINDSAY LOHAN

2007-01-11T17:31:00.000-08:00

In an effort to add some 'sex appeal' to my blog, I'm going to tackle some celebrity gossip. And even though most of it (well, all of it) I get directly from PerezHilton.com, it'll make MY blog look a little more interesting, etc. etc.
And if you HATE this kind of stuff, well just hang tight, because later on in here I'll hook you up with a direct link showing the Lindsay Lohan upskirt VAGINA pictures. Nice, hunh? Young Lohan started out at the age of 10 in the soap opera 'Another World', before making her feature film appearance in Disney's 'The Parent Trap'.

Her breakout role was in 2004's 'Mean Girls' (I actually OWN this movie, it's great), where her after hours nightlife came into view of the national media.Her first album came out the same year, 'Speak', featuring the single, 'Rumors', which I actually used to play in the clubs. Her hard partying behavior and public fued with her father made her daily gossip celebrity right up there with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

It was reported in numerous circles that she was a Jack Daniels drinkin', coke snortin', all-night party girl prone to spoiled out bursts (a celebrity acting this way, NOOO....).

PerezHilton.com calls her 'Firecrotch'. Some stolen pics:

Some stuff you can buy (Just click on the Picture):

And, here's another video:

Oh, and here's the picture:

And here's the link:

http://perezhilton.com/topics/lindsay_lohan/lindsays_dream_comes_true_20061117.php

So there you have it. I'll leave today on this note (this picture is NOT a fake):

THE POLICE

2007-01-10T17:57:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine sent me an e-mail with a link about a story saying that the band 'The Police' might be reuniting for a world tour in 2007. Now in 1983 I had 3rd row seats for the Police on the Syncronicity tour, and it was awesome.
Could both Van Halen AND the Police tour in 2007? What's next? 99 Luft Baloons?

I heard that the band tried to get together once a number of years ago, but as soon as Sting walked in the door, drummer Stewart Copeland started reading out loud a bad review that had been written about Sting, and he walked back out the door.

Anyway, I think it'd be cool. Hope it happens. In the meantime, if you'd like to buy some Police music, click on the links below:

For a long time 'Oulandos d'Amour', the first Police album was my favorite, with 'Roxanne', 'Can't Stand Losing', 'Hole In My Life'...Hmmm, maybe it still is.
The second album 'Regatta De Blanc' had 'Message in a Bottle', and 'Walking on the Moon', but I thought it was kinda weak besides that. "Zenyatta Mondatta' followed with (Who the hell came up with these album titles, that pompous ass Sting?) 'De Doo Doo Doo', ' Don't Stand So Close to Me', 'Driven to Tears' (Man, what a great song), 'Canary in a Coalmine', pretty good album.
Next was 'Ghost in the Machine' with 'Every Little Thing She Does is Magic', 'Spirits in the Material World', 'Invisible Sun', 'Demolition Man', good solid album.
And finally 'Syncronicity', the critical and commercial peak of their career with 'Every Breath You Take', 'Syncronicity II', 'Wrapped Around Your Finger', 'King of Pain'...Great Album.

That's all for now...Later

MY GOAL

2007-01-09T17:02:00.000-08:00

Today I've decided that starting tomorrow, I'm going to post a blog for 300 consecutive days.
That, in and of itself is somewhat of an accomplishment, but I intend to make my blogs either/and/or amusing, informative, educational, pathetic, etc....

Can I do it? Yeah, I can do it.
Will I do it? That remains to be seen.
But for those who doubt me:

GRAND THEFT AUTO

2007-01-07T17:00:00.000-08:00

GRAND THEFT AUTO III came out in 2001 and took the video game community by storm. Despite the controversy surrounding it (violence, violence directed toward cops and innocent bystanders, strong sexual content), it became one of the most popular games of all time, selling over 11 million copies.

It's explorable world platform was nothing new, but it's niche was that it got away from the traditional 'kill a boss at the end of each level to move on' approach, and instead opted for a more realistic mission based game play. In fact, you could even skip the mission's all together, and run around and steal cars, shoot people, gather weapons, hidden packages, explore, or whatever. Tremendous improvement was made in the storytelling, music (all cars in the game have radio's that have a selection of stations to choose from; everything from talk radio to classic hits) and character voices, making it much more fun to play and listen to.

GTA III was set in fictional Liberty City (modeled after NYC, though for years I thought it was Portland, for some reason), it basically tells the story of a low level mob punk who rises to through the ranks, based on a variety of missions. Hours of kick ass fun.

GRAND THEFT AUTO: VICE CITY (2002) is my favorite game of all time. This time Rockstar North set the story up in Miami during the eighties. Besides the obvious Miami Vice influence, the game also has a very Scarface influence, as well as an eighties soundtrack that blows away the music setup of any game ever released. They also added the availability of motorcycles (and motorcycle stunt jumps), and a military helicopter that during 'vigilante' missions, is so destructive I can't even begin to describe how much fun it is.

GTA: VICE CITY is the best selling Playstation 2 game of all time (13 million) and 3rd best selling console game EVER! (Beaten out only by Super Mario 3 for the NES, and Super Mario Land for Gameboy). As a comparative example of it's popularity, GTA: VICE CITY sold 5 MILLION more copies than HALO 2!

Click on any of the pictures below to buy your copy today!

GRAND THEFT AUTO: SAN ANDREAS (modeled after Los Angelas in the 90's, with gangsta rap soundtrack), came out in 2004 and sold 12 million copies (#4 all time). Controversy was also discoved that a sex mini-game, taken out of the story, but with the code still left in, could be accessed in PS2 and PC versions. It was pulled from the shelves and re-rated 'AO' for adults only, though Rockstar re-released it without the code to retain an 'M' rating.
GRAND THEFT AUTO: LIBERTY CITY STORIES was released for PSP in 2005 and soon after on PS2 (it rocks), taking us back to Liberty City. GRAND THEFT AUTO: VICE CITY STORIES was released on PSP in 2006, but still no word on a PS2 version (damn it).

Slated for release in 2007 is the much anticipated GRAND THEFT AUTO IV, which will be released simultaneously on PS3 and XBOX 360. Click on any of the above images to buy.

FAVORITE MOVIES OF 2006 - Off the Top of my Head

2007-01-01T16:09:00.000-08:00

MY FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE OF THE YEAR (Click on any one of the pics to buy):
RUNNING SCARED (2006) - The opening scene in this movie is worth the price of admission, but it doesn't slow down much from there. Stylish, violent, offensive, and with enough twists to keep it entertaining throughout.
PAUL WALKER (Fast and the Furious, Into the Blue) stars as a small time crook who's supposed to get rid of a gun for the mob. But when it falls into the wrong hands and a Russian mobster gets killed, all hell breaks loose. Mob goons, crooked cops, evil pimps, kids on the run, car chases, hookers with hearts of gold, sick perverts, girls with guns; director WAYNE KRAMER(2003's enjoyable 'THE COOLER') throws in everything but the kitchen sink.
If you're as bored with most action movies as I am, I think you'll enjoy this.

MY FAVORITE HORROR MOVIE OF THE YEAR:
HOSTEL (2006) - HOSTEL is a very brutal film that was panned as much as it was praised, but I thought it's unflinchingly harsh, in your face style is what made it great. Most horror films today are just the same old crap, but this movie puts it's money where it's mouth is.
Three friends traveling Europe get lured to a town where they find pretty girls and fun times, but the hostel they stay in and people they meet aren't everything they appear.
Director ELI ROTH (2002's so-so CABIN FEVER) basically breaks his movie into three parts: pleasure, horror, and revenge; and even got a helping hand from QUENTIN TARANTINO. Great stuff, sure to offend someone.

MY FAVORITE DRAMA OF THE YEAR:
People complained that SYRIANA was hard to follow, but that's because it never stops to dumb down to it's audience and explain in simple terms what exactly is going on. This is a movie that puts you right in the middle of the action, and you have to listen and interpret what's going on. It's almost like you suddenly become a fly on the wall of all that's happening in the middle east.
George Clooney is a CIA operative at the end of his 'usefulness', stuck right in the middle of America's eager to please policy for foreign oil. He makes a mistake that costs him and it shows how it affects everyone else who has an interest in the politics of oil and money.
Matt Damon, Chris Cooper, and Jeffrey Wright fill out an excellent cast in Stephan Gaghan's (2002's Abandon - Didn't see it) well crafted story.
This is a very smart movie and everything I like about drama.

MY FAVORITE DOCUMENTARY OF THE YEAR:
Al Gore has spent his career talking about global warming, and to be quite honest I hadn't really taken the time to listen. So I went into AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH a little bit skeptical, having been influenced by the mainstream media's 'yeah, yeah, whatever' attitude.
All I can say is that I was blown away by what I learned.
Well crafted, with exceptional graphics and information, this documentary is probably one of the most important films I've ever seen. And when I put my political theory to the test, which is that every politician's specific quest BENEFITS somebody (i.e. follow the money), this may be the only one where the answer seems to be: every human being on the planet.
This information has NOT made Al Gore any friends in Washington, or picked him up any political contributions from big business, but it has told us something we all need to know.

MY FAVORITE COMEDY OF THE YEAR:
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING is a dark comedy about a tobacco company spin doctor (Aaron Eckhardt, 1997's beautifully offensive IN THE COMPANY OF MEN), and his crusade to make the world safe for all us smoker's. Satire at it's finest.
He runs into troubles though, but always seems to find a way to PR his way around it, despite the fact that he represents the number one killer of people in America! He juggles it all with a wink and a smile, and still manages to be a good dad too!
If you're looking for dick and fart jokes, check out Artie Lange's (from the Howard Stern show) BEER LEAGUE (which I also liked), but if you like your humor smart, this is one you'll want to check out. Though it helps to be a smoker.

MY FAVORITE TV SHOW OF THE YEAR:
I don't like TV. Most shows are dumb, simply written half hour shows aimed at the lowest common denominator. And I hate commercials.
So it's no surprise that I got into LOST, which is well written, a mixture of action, drama, humor, and suspense; with great character development full of mystery.
When their flight goes down, a group of castaways get stranded on a tropical island, and each has a story... and as that story unfolds, those story's all seem to have something to do with the island itself and the island itself has it's own mystery to it...
The second half of Season Three starts January 17th, and I CAN'T WAIT, but for now, just go out and rent Season One, watch a couple of episodes and you'll get hooked too.

VAN HALEN -

2006-12-28T21:35:00.000-08:00

There really isn't any hard rock band that's been more influential in my life time than the original lineup of VAN HALEN. Featuring Eddie Van Halen's blistering guitar virtuoso and David Lee Roth's 'don't spill yer beer' vocals, Van Halen blazed a path that few hard rock bands could even dream of.

One of only seven bands to sell over 10 million copies of two different albums in the U.S., VAN HALEN is far and away MY favorite hard rock band of all-time, and really...that's all that matters.

In a 1980 CREEM Magazine article, titled 'If You Hate Van Halen, You're Wrong', David Lee Roth was quoted as saying, "Most rock critics like Elvis Costello, because most rock critics LOOK like Elvis Costello".

'Nuff Said.

Below is my album by album review of each VH record. Up until Dave left the band anyway. Forget that Sammy Hagar crap.

VAN HALEN released in 1978, went to #19 on the Billboard Pop Chart and was an immediate hit, going on the sell over 10 million copies in the U.S. Besides the explosive remake of the Kink's 'You Really Got Me', it featured such classics as "Runnin' with the Devil', 'Ain't Talkin' Bout Love', 'Jamie's Cryin', and another remake, John Brim's 'Ice Cream Man' .
VH toured for a year to promote this, and spent a great deal of time opening for Black Sabbath. To put it as nicely as I can, they tore Black Sabbath a new a-hole. Blew them off the stage. Ronnie James Dio, who was singing for Sabbath at the time, began to lose even more hair. And VH would never have to open for anyone ever again.

KISS's Gene Simmons, who a year earlier had tried to sign the band and change their name to 'Daddy Longlegs(!)', only to have the band say, "Nahhh...", would see his career fall into the crapper (both LOVE GUN and KISS ALIVE II were released in 1977), and would not show any real signs of life again (at least in terms of commercial success) until 1984, when Van Halen was breaking up it's original lineup. Coincidence? Oh, I think not.

This album is a pure classic and everyone should own a copy.

VAN HALEN II, released the following year, wasn't as good as the debut, but still contained a lot of great stuff. Featuring the band's first top 20 hit 'Dance the Night Away' (#15), and another sonic injected remake in 'You're No Good', it became another million seller and the group toured endlessly to support it. Some of my favorite tracks are 'Somebody Get Me a Doctor', 'Bottoms Up' , and the great 'Beautiful Girls'.

David Lee Roth claimed that 'Dance the Night Away' was "written for a drunken young woman whom he caught hiding from the police at one of Van Halen's early shows." 'Spanish Fly' is a featured guitar solo played by Eddie on a Nylon Guitar (though he uses a pick). 'Beautiful Girls' exists in an almost complete form on the early Gene Simmons 1975 demos, although the title was "Bring on the Girls" during those recordings.

I actually bought this album the week it came out.

WOMEN and CHILDREN FIRST, released in 1980, showed VH going against the formula they had created on the first two albums. Having proven they could take a pop song, rock it hard, and still come in under 3 and half minutes; on WACF they loosened it up a bit and rocked out on some longer tunes. 'And the Cradle will Rock', 'Everybody Wants Some', and 'Take Your Whiskey Home', highlight the album. 'Could This Be Magic' featured Eddie Van Halen on Steel Guitar. Finishing out the album was "In a Simple Ryhme', a song that many considered to be a possible single, but oddly enough was never released.

Romeo Delight, which closes out side one of the 'album' features many of the melodies from a demo track the band did called "Get The Show On the Road". David Lee Roth often forgot the lyrics during concerts, most notably during the 1983 US Festival where he then yelled "I forgot the fuckin' words" during the second verse.
The original album featured a poster of David Lee Roth chained to a fence. The picture was taken by famous photographer Helmut Newton, who I'll do a blog on later down the road.

FAIR WARNING, released in April of 1981, was the result of great tension going on in the band between the showman David Lee Roth and the 'artiste' Eddie Van Halen. Ed would get his way on this album, but it would be VH's first sales disappointment, yielding no singles and finishing (for them) a meager 2 million units sold in sales.

HOWEVER, it is considered an underrated classic and a favorite amongst VH fans, and I have to say it's probably my PERSONAL favorite. It's a GUITAR album, and one in which Eddie shines. Dave is still Dave, but Eddie just flat out ROCKS. Highlights include 'Unchained', 'Hear About it Later', 'Sinner's Swing', and, oh hell, everything on it is a highlight until after 'So This is Love', where the band sort of half ass finishes the record.

(Van Halen would consider 40 minutes to be a LONG album)

'Unchained' became one of the most requested songs on FM radio during the 80's and features producer Ted Templemen, during an interlude saying, "C'mon Dave. Gimme a break". He thought Dave was getting a bit obnoxious. The band liked it so much they kept it in the song.

Go buy this CD right now.

After the disappointment in sales of FAIR WARNING, David Lee Roth would get his chance to direct the band, and the result was there biggest commercial success yet, DIVER DOWN.

Featuring the closest thing to a hit single yet, their cover of Roy Orbison's '(Oh) Pretty Woman' went to number 12 on the Billboard Hot 100 and number one on the Mainstream Rock Chart.

Even better than that, the video was BANNED ON MTV, thanks to a couple of midgets molesting a girl tied to a stake, who actually turned out to be a guy in drag...uh, yeah. Classic.

Other highlights include, 'Little Guitars', an FM radio staple which included a very Carlos Montoya like intro, a remake of 'Dancing in the Streets', 'Big Bad Bill (is Sweet William Now)' (a remake of an old jazz standard featuring Ed and Alex's dad on clarinet) and two flat out rockers that are personal favorites of mine, 'Hang 'em High' and 'The Full Bug'.

The success of this album would lead to Van Halen becoming the highest paid music group for a single appearance, earning a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records for their inebriated, $1 million, 90-minute set at the US Festival in 1983.
Eddie put on a smiling game face for the promotion and tour, but tensions were reportedly very high in the band.

VAN HALEN's 1984 would sell over 10 million units and bookend the career of a band that was a true original. What's that you say? The band didn't break up after this album, but went on to huge success with Sammy Hagar in the group?

WELL THEY NEVER MADE AN ALBUM AS GOOD AS THIS WITH SAMMY HAGAR!!!

Starting with the number one hit single 'Jump', followed by one of Van Halen's most popular songs, 'Panama' (also a great video), the swinging 'Top Jimmy', the fan favorite 'Drop Dead Legs', the ballistic 'Hot For Teacher' (One of the greatest videos EVER), the spooky mid-tempo 'I'll Wait'..this album is just great song after great song.

Phil Hartman performed the voice of Waldo in the 'Hot For Teacher' video. 'Panama' and 'I'll Wait' both reached number 13 on the Hot 100 chart. Keyboard played a large part on the album and it was recorded entirely at Eddie home recording studio, dubbed '5150'.

Everyone should own a copy of this album, even if you hate music.

David Lee Roth's EAT 'EM AND SMILE is considered by many TRUE Van Halen fans to be the 'sixth' Van Halen album. (Well, I'm not sure if that's true or not, but I consider it to be). Recruiting Steve Vai on guitar, Billy Sheehan on bass, and Greg Bissonette on drums; Dave assembled a monster all-star super group that could compete with any band on the planet.

The album itself went to #4, the first single 'Yankee Rose' (with another great video by DLR) went to #6, and all together the music rocked in a way that '5150' only WISHED it could.

Sonic speed blasts like 'Shyboy', the laid back cool of 'Ladies Night in Buffalo', a Sinatra cover of 'That's Life', 'Goin Crazy' and my personal favorite, 'Big Trouble', make up a full menu of songs.

SURPRISINGLY, the critics liked it too, with Spin, Rolling Stone, and Kerrang

all agreeing, the album was well done, fun, and rocked hard.

Even though Dave had released a previous solo record (1985's 'Crazy From the Heat'), most people figured he'd camp it up even more and were very surprised he ended up sounding more like Van Halen on this than even Van Halen did!

Play it Loud.

THE BEST OF DAVID LEE ROTH is a great compilation, featuring all of the best from 'Eat 'Em And Smile', as well as 'A Lil Ain't Enough', 'Just Like Paradise', 'Skyscraper', 'California Girls', and 'Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody'.

Get your copy today!

And finally, there's David Lee Roth's autobiography, CRAZY FROM THE HEAT, which is a laugh riot and filled with all kinds of interesting antidotes from the glory days.

With a possible reunion tour coming up in 2007, what better time to catch up on all of your VH info?

So that's my take on Van Halen. Any questions?